Do you ever feel like people think you’re the biggest idiot for wanting to be a writer?
I’m just thinking as I edit and feel really good about my book and the quality of my writing while remembering the looks on people’s faces as I tell them that I’m getting ready to publish my second book.
They look to the side, as if they are embarrassed for me, feeling the need to cringe and not meet my eyes because, shoot, people don’t usually know how bad they are and when their book is out there, they’ll finally realize how poor of a writer they actually are. And they want to tell you, but they don’t have the heart and assume you’ll just have to find out the hard way. Because that’s how people learn sometimes- by thinking they’re great at something and finding out how small they really are and how big and cruel the world really is. And I’m sitting here, actually really pleased with how far I’ve come and the characters I’ve created and their stories that I have crafted together with tears and skill and excellence, and I think to myself, “Just wait.”
I’m just thinking as I edit and feel really good about my book and the quality of my writing while remembering the looks on people’s faces as I tell them that I’m getting ready to publish my second book.
They look to the side, as if they are embarrassed for me, feeling the need to cringe and not meet my eyes because, shoot, people don’t usually know how bad they are and when their book is out there, they’ll finally realize how poor of a writer they actually are. And they want to tell you, but they don’t have the heart and assume you’ll just have to find out the hard way. Because that’s how people learn sometimes- by thinking they’re great at something and finding out how small they really are and how big and cruel the world really is. And I’m sitting here, actually really pleased with how far I’ve come and the characters I’ve created and their stories that I have crafted together with tears and skill and excellence, and I think to myself, “Just wait.”
Just wait.
Because I know I’ve done a good job. I know my characters are real and have emotion. I know that I have the ability to tell a story and pull others into the mind and feelings of someone on a page. And I don’t need their awkward glances, their almost apologies, their cringing and their forced smiles, because I’m not going to step out with this book and be embarrassed. Does that mean everyone will like it? Not in the least. But my book will be loved. It will be seen as quality. It will be shared and people will talk about how it moved them and the characters were just like them.
I don’t have illusions that my book is the best or going to be known on a grand scale, but the people that do know it are going to see that it is excellent work, that I put my all into this, and I wasn’t just chasing some fantasy or some delusional idea that I’m a good writer when my work is mediocre at best. They’ll look at me and realize that this wasn’t a mistake or a failed attempt to express myself as an individual.
Writing books is real. It’s valid. It’s not just a place-holder for a space of time to collect myself and recover from failure or try to sort out a different job. This is my job. This is what I want to do. I am a good writer and my books are good. One day people will see.
I don’t have illusions that my book is the best or going to be known on a grand scale, but the people that do know it are going to see that it is excellent work, that I put my all into this, and I wasn’t just chasing some fantasy or some delusional idea that I’m a good writer when my work is mediocre at best. They’ll look at me and realize that this wasn’t a mistake or a failed attempt to express myself as an individual.
Writing books is real. It’s valid. It’s not just a place-holder for a space of time to collect myself and recover from failure or try to sort out a different job. This is my job. This is what I want to do. I am a good writer and my books are good. One day people will see.
The end.
But not really, because stories last forever.
Amen!
ReplyDeleteAmen!
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