As someone who spends a good amount of time on social media, I have heard people complaining about and hating on the year 2016 since probably February. Yeah, it was a very intense year in a lot of ways. There were celebrity deaths, political turmoil, mass shootings, and a lot of harsh words spread around. I get it; things like that aren't comfortable to think about and process. For me, however, 2016 was comparatively a really good year. Maybe I'm just looking at it through rose-colored glasses because I had some really good things happen. Or maybe it's just that when you compare it to the year that every single one of my best friends moved to other countries, or the year where I had to leave my home, my job and the country I love most in the world, it seems a whole heck of a lot better. There was the year that my family sold everything and moved to a dying tropical island only to have the entire situation turn into a manipulative nightmare that led to us returning to the states, infected with scabies and living in our pastor's house for months until we could find someplace of our own. That was a hard year. The year I turned seventeen I struggled with forgiving myself to the point where I was in a vicious cycle of self-loathing and trying to avoid God, only to feel more self-loathing because I was avoiding God. I still think that year wins for hardest year ever in my life so far. I even look at 2015 as a really hard year for certain reasons, even though there were some amazing things that happened.
Perhaps it is because I love even numbers that I had such an optimistic outlook on 2016, but even the hard things from this last year have silver linings to them. I found out I was weaker than I thought I was, but through that I have learned just how precious and amazing grace is. The unending mercy of Jesus is so valuable to me, because I need it. I have seen the ugly, dark side of my heart in a way I never thought I would, and I know that my only hope is the blood of Jesus and the work He did on the cross. I always knew it, but now I know it. I think I have cried during every communion service I've been to this year because I have understood so much more how much I need it. Of course I'd rather not have a fight that I feel like I lose more times than I win, but if I gain a little bit more perspective of how deeply Jesus loves me and how He continually fights for me, then I can't regret that.
I also learned that I am stronger than I thought I was. I acted as "Fake Mom" for 23 days. I edited, formatted, published and promoted a book that I wrote. I left a job that I loved. I went to another country and led a 3 1/2 day conference for children by myself. My family brought two children into our home to make them a part of our family. I wrote an entire story in 15 days. I opened up to others and allowed them to love me in my weakness. When I fell, I got back up again.
The fact that I was able to return to North Africa and stretch my little writer wings has been incredible this year. I spent more time with my best friend this year than I have since 2009. I watched my 19-year-old brother return to a country he loves and come back changed and determined to be a voice in the nations. My second niece was born and my entire family came together for a reunion for the first time in five years. I was in the wedding of a dear friend. There are families in my life that allow me into their homes to love on and care for their children. My dance parties are better, I chopped off all my hair and I spent my birthday at Worlds Of Fun. I spent the fall season looking for magical moments. I cried when people told me they loved my book. I cried when I sat around the table with my family and realized just how good God is. I discovered a special place to go when I need to be alone. I was inspired to see beauty, write beauty, and be beautiful.
The prayer that I prayed the most in 2016 was a request for God to show me how to love better. So many people claim that the world's problems could be solved if we all just loved, so I prayed for love. I prayed that I would know how to love my neighbor, no matter who they were. I prayed that I would know how to love God in the midst of a world filled with contradicting opinions. I prayed that those around me would feel loved. I prayed that the world would desire that perfect love that casts out fear.
Right now I have no idea what 2017 will look like, but I am excited to walk out this journey. It might be hard, but I've done hard. It might have pain, but pain pushes me into the strength of Jesus. It might be a year where dreams are unexpectedly fulfilled right in front of my eyes. No matter what this next season brings, I pray that I would continue to see the good and I would continue to fight for truth, righteousness and purity to be in my heart. I have long since been convinced of the faithfulness of God, and every year only makes my heart believe it more and more.
May your 2017 be filled with the joy and blessing of the Lord. May you see the good gifts given to you from Jesus and may your heart be strengthened in love. You are valuable. You are wanted. You are loved.
all the love,
Baylea
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